Wright is seldom wrong: Part 1

Here is another selection of insights (and outsights) from a very observant man, Steven Wright.

o When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child.

o I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

o If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

o I have an existential map. It has “You are here” written all over it.

o I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it.

o I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

o I’m going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.

o I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

o Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

o Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time… I think I’ve forgotten this before.

o I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

o If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

o My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

o I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I’m not sure how I got there.

o For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

o Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

o All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.

o I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

o Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

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To learn more about Steven Wright, please click here.

Click here to check out his videos.

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