Four Tools to Help Interrupt the Adversity Reflex and Build Personal Resilience

While the tools that Professor Margolis outlined are simple and straightforward, he cautions that these activities may not seem all that natural. Those who drive in wintry conditions, he notes, know that when you’re skidding on ice, your impulse is to turn the wheel away from the skid. Resist the urge! To get control of your car, you need to turn into the skid. So it is with these tools.

Tool #1: Write It Down

This is a five-minute exercise in which you document (by hand) a recent example of adversity you wish you’d handled better. The more personal and difficult the situation, the more you’ll get out of it. Draw three boxes. In the first, state the facts: 3-5 bullet points noting the when, where, who, and what. In box two, write down the emotions you experienced. In box three, your behavior. By writing it down, rather than sitting around thinking about it, you’re now positioned to act more effectively.

Tool #2: Release the Emotional Grip

Recognize the emotion you were experiencing during the situation you’ve just documented. Catch it, label it, and give yourself a timeout. Close your eyes and visualize breathing through your heart for 30 seconds. Next, crowd out the negative by bringing to mind a positive feeling: something or someone you’re grateful for; a comforting outdoor location; an experience of joy. Finally, generate alternative actions. What could you have done differently than what you actually did?

Tool #3: Build and Draw Upon Your Network for Help

Take an inventory of your relational sources of resilience, these are the connections that can help you bounce back from adversity. Who do you look to when you’re looking for empathy? For humor? For perspective? For purpose? What is that you’re looking for? And which sources of resilience are you providing to others? Drawing on your network can help you swap out counterproductive behavior for productive behavior.

Tool #4: Structured Coaching

Until this point, the tools have been focused on taking care of yourself. That’s as it should be. Back in the day, an outside-in approach to leadership was taken. Leaders took care of everything and everybody before working on themselves. Recognizing that the only way you can successfully lead a team is if you can manage yourself, today’s leadership approach is inside out: start with yourself. Coaching others through adversity may require a shift in your coaching thinking, moving from listening to do—to guide, direct, fix, intervene—to listening to support. The goal here is not just to get the person you’re coaching through the current problem they’re dealing with, but to provide them with the tools that will help them get over the next adversity they face.

Great leaders are resilient, and resilient leaders have never been more important. To make sure your toolbox has the resilience-builders you need, you may want to listen to Professor Margolis’ full webinar.

What tools do you use to build up your resilience and the resilience of those who look to you for leadership?

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Prarthana Kumar is director, global solutions for the international business of Harvard Business Publishing Corporate Learning. Email her at prarthana.kumar@harvardbusiness.org.