The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Bliss
Kathy Caprino
HarperCollins Leadership (July 2020)

“Others cannot make you feel inferior without your permission.” Eleanor Roosevelt

The Roosevelt observation is generally true although there are exceptions. Here’s a personal example. If I were playing a round of golf with Brooks Koepka or a game of H-O-R-S-E with James Harden, I would enjoy the pleasure of their company but still be intimidated (at least somewhat) by the differences between their talent and mine.

Long ago I learned on the gravel playground of an elementary school in South Chicago that by enduring an older and stronger bully, I was surrendering what little power I had to him. One day, he snuck up from behind and pushed me forward. My face hit the gravel and I still remember how much that hurt. My next memory is of having two adults pull me off the bully I sat atop on the ground. I had broken his nose and blackened one eye. My two fists were covered with blood. I never again had any problem with him or any other bullies.

This is what Mrs. Roosevelt and Kathy Caprino speak to: allowing others to compromise our power “to make the changes that can transform our lives. I’m referring to power to experience more strength, confidence, authority, and impact so that we can overcome the obstacles in the way of success and fulfillment.”

Caprino identifies and discusses seven damaging power gaps “that widen and stretch with time (like cracks in the road that expand and stretch over time) that lead to a loss of what we need most to succeed in life.” These gaps are best revealed within Caprino’s narrative, in context, but I agree with her that “the longer the gap is left unaddressed [i.e. denied or ignored], the bigger it becomes, and the more our confidence, control, and self-esteem leak out and diminish.”

In this context, I am again reminded by what I consider to be the most valuable insight in Ernest Becker’s classic work, Denial of Death. He acknowledges that everyone dies a physical death eventually but there is another form of death that CAN be denied: that which occurs when we become wholly preoccupied with fulfilling others’ expectations of us.

Caprino explains, “I discovered that 98 percent of the respondents [to her survey of more than 1,000 women] indicated they were facing at least one of the seven power gaps, and over 75 percent were experiencing three or more gaps at the same time.”

So, how to become “the most powerful you” you can be? I think the most valuable material in the book is presented when Caprino responds to that question. She suggests seven specific solutions. Here are the first three:

1. Understand and recognize your special talents and strengths and see yourself as more capable and valuable than you probably have believed until now.

2. Stop apologizing and using weaker language [I call it the “subjunctive trap” of woulda/coulda/shouldas] when interacting with family members, friends, and associates.

3. Identify what you want [without apologizing for presuming to want it] and build a strong rationale or case to get it.

Although Kathy Caprino apparently wrote this book primarily for women, almost all of the information, insights, and counsel can be of substantial value to men who often face essentially the same challenges (especially self-doubts) within and beyond the workplace. I also highly recommend this book to supervisors who have direct reports entrusted to their care as well as to high school teachers and coaches who have students and players who also need to elevate their self-esteem and increase their self-confidence.

Ultimately, the value of a book such as this one will not be determined by the quality of the material provided but by how effectively and — yes — how courageously a reader attempts to apply it.

Here are two insights to keep in mind. First, from Oscar Wilde: “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.” And then from Jack Dempsey: “Champions get up when they can’t.”