According to Ryan Babineaux and John Krumboltz, “Both being introverts, we understand that it is not always easy to approach new people. But we have found that the rewards that come from our relationships far outweigh the discomfort we might feel when interacting with unfamiliar people.” They offer seven tips they have found to be helpful.
1. Have low expectations. “The truth is that social occasions often fall short of being scintillating, but they may still provide the opportunity to meet new people and to be introduced to new ideas.”
2. Never make a cold call. When contacting someone you don’t know or know well, “mentioning a shared experience or interest encourages the person to whom you are reaching out to be more relaxed and responsive.”
3. Don’t give up. “Just because [people] don’t respond right away doesn’t mean that they aren’t interested in meeting with you. The only way to know for sure that someone doesn’t want to meet with you is if they tell you no.”
4. Dealing with rejection. Move on: “There are a multitude of interesting, helpful people out there to meet and get to know.”
5. It’s OK to say no. “Trust yourself not to get sucked into something that you don’t want to do. Polite rejections include, “I wish I had the time, but I really don’t.”
6. It’s all about practice. “The more you get in the habit of meeting new people, attending social events, and asking for introductions, the better you will get at it and the less awkward it will be.”
7. Just be yourself. “Instead of trying to be more interesting, learn how to appreciate others [and express that appreciation] — admire their strengths, enjoy their stories, and learn from their life experiences.
I presume to add that after a best effort, you find someone to unworthy of your time and attention, see #5.
“The bias against introversion leads to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness.” Susan Cain
Babineaux and Krumboltz discuss all this in much greater detail in Fail Fast, Fail Often: How Losing Can Help You Win, published by Jeremy P. Tarcher/The Penguin Group (2014).
Ryan Babineaux, career counselor and co-creator with John Krumboltz of the popular Stanford University continuing studies course “Fail Fast, Fail Often,” received his Ph.D. from Stanford University in educational psychology and his M.Ed. from Harvard University in psychology and human development.
John Krumboltz is a professor of education and psychology at Stanford University. He is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, as well as the American Association for the Advancement of Science. He is the winner of numerous prestigious honors, including the Outstanding Research Award for the American Counseling Association. He has authored or co-authored more than 200 publications, including Luck is No Accident: Making the Most of Happenstance in Your Life and Career (Penguin Putnam).