In What Keeps Leaders Up at Night: Recognizing and Resolving Your Most Troubling Management Issues, published by AMACOM, Nicole Lipkin offers a wealth of information, insights, and counsel on how to accelerate personal growth and personal development. I am especially interested in what she shares (in Chapter 2, Pages 54-55) concerning the power of effective listening. Here is an abbreviation of her discussion of how to create and then increase that power.
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Five Steps to Active Listening
Step One: Remember the 2-1 ratio of ears to mouth. Shut your mouth and open your ears. Turn off the voice in your head that constantly makes assumptions, judges the speaker, and contemplates what you will say next.
Step Two: Listen for feelings…Pay attention to words that express feelings or needs and to nonverbal behaviors [e.g. body language, tone of voice] that may reflect how someone feels.
Step Three: Acknowledge what you think you heard by paraphrasing what the person has just said.
Step Four: Offer your own opinion after acknowledging the other person’s contribution. Do it without judgment.
Step Five: Pay attention to any change in body language, verbalization, or emotion that was made after you added your own opinion. Acknowledge anything you have noticed for accuracy and continued discussion.
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I presume to add three points of my own:
o Long ago, someone — perhaps Dale Carnegie — wisely suggested this response if you think that what has just been said is ridiculous: “Please help me to understand. Are you suggesting that….?”
o Keep in mind that your initial objective is understanding and your next objective is rapport.
o It is quite possible to have excellent rapport with someone with whom you strongly disagree and poor rapport with someone with whom you strongly agree. The difference? Goodwill.
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Nicole Lipkin is a business psychologist at Equilibria Leadership Consulting, an international business/organizational solutions company based in the US. She is the co-author of the popular business and management book, Y in the Workplace: Managing the “Me First” Generation and author of aforementioned What Keeps Leaders Up At Night, published by AMACOM. Nicole is a regular contributor to the broadcast community and has been featured on NPR, NBC, CBS, Fox Business News, New York Times Magazine, and numerous other media outlets both nationally and internationally. She received a doctorate in clinical psychology (Psy.D.), Master of Business Administration (MBA), and Master of Criminal Justice (MACJ) at Widener University. She is an adjunct faculty member through the Center for Creative Leadership. She also received her Advanced Certified Personal and Executive Coach Certification and Certified Professional Coach Certification through the industry-leading College of Executive Coaching.