Most of the companies annually ranked among those that are most highly admired and best to work for are also annually ranked among those that are most profitable and have the greatest cap value in their competitive marketplace. That is no coincidence. However different they may be in most respects, all of them have a culture within which personal growth and professional development are most likely to thrive. In his latest book, Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy, and Understanding at Work, written with Jason Pankau and Katharine Stallard, Michael Lee Stallard examines the elements of such a workplace culture.

As he explains, “An organization’s culture reflects the predominant ways of thinking, behaving, and working. To appreciate the importance of culture in the workplace, consider your own experiences. Over the course of your career, have you experienced times when you were eager to get to work in the morning, you were so immersed in your work that the hours flew by, and by the end of the day you didn’t want to stop working? What was it about the job that made you feel that way? How about the opposite? Have you experienced times when you struggled to get to work in the morning, the hours passed ever so slowly, and by the end of the day you were exhausted? Again, what was it about the job that made you feel that way?”

Connection Culture describes and explains a new way of thinking about leadership based on the universal need to feel connected to others as opposed to feeling unsupported, left out or lonely. The book describes the connection culture leadership model, supporting research, case studies and 15 building blocks to create a connection culture.

In one part of the book, Stallard recommends ten ways to improve your connection skills. Here they are, accompanied by my brief annotations:

1. Recognize varying connection needs. With people? With great music? With nature?

2. Be present in conversations. Focus on eye contact and listening with intent.

3. Develop the ability to empathize. What is another person feeling? Why?

4. Develop the habit of emphasizing positives. That said, beware of denial and delusion.

5. Control your tone of voice. What you say is less important than how you say it and whether or not you walk the talk.

6. Negotiate with a mindset to solve a problem rather than “win.” That said, the best resolution is one that is a “win” for everyone involved.

7. Provide autonomy in execution. That is especially important when delegation. Specify What, When, and Why. Defer to How.

8. Learn and apply the five languages of appreciation. They are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch.
Note: The intentions of authentic people are seldom (if ever) misunderstood.

9. Apologize when you make a mistake. If you don’t, the disconnect may become irreparable.

10. Develop social skills and relationship skills, and recognize the differences between them. Being liked does not necessarily mean you are respected and trusted.

Efforts to eliminate cultural disconnections will no doubt encounter stout resistance, usually cultural in nature, the result of what Jim O’Toole so aptly characterizes as “the ideology of comfort and the tyranny of custom.” Do not despair. Keep in mind this memorable observation by Margaret Mead: “A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

Connection Culture will be published by ATD Press (4/30/15)

Here is a link to a pdf that includes the introduction and first chapter of Connection Culture.