How Trust Works: The Science of How Relationships Are Built
Peter H. Kim
Flatiron Books (August 2023)

How to gain trust, how it can be damaged, and what can be done to repair  it

According to W.K. Krueger, “in all good is the possibility of evil, and in all evil the possibility of good.” Peter Kim cites that passage near the conclusion of Chapter 7 in support of the need for having an inclusive context when making judgments of others with real limitations and flaws. Otherwise, judgments made will be based on “distorted caricatures” rather than imperfect human beings. “It is in this sense that we may be at least partly to blame when we our trust in leaders dramatically changes. It ultimately stems from our efforts to nurture highly romanticized views oƒ what leaders should be that virtually no one can fulfill.”

What prompted Kim to write this book? “We need to take more careful stock of what integrity means — to us, and to others. Integrity is on of the most important bases for trust, and we gauge integrity by whether others adhere to the moral principles we consider important.”

He then observes, “These differences can lead people to hold very different views about an integrity-violation has even been committed…But if we view whether an integrity-based violation has even been committed…But if we view these differences as a matter, not of right and wrong, but rather of right and right, that offers a more tractable way forward. This perspective shifts the focus from a dispute over who is ethical or not, to a discussion about how to reconcile these different priorities. By doing this, we can best satisfy the values we all share.”

As I worked my way through Kim’s lively as well as eloquent narrative, I compiled my own list of “guiding lessons” to supplement those that he discusses on Pages 201-206: Here are Kim’s:

1. Our Desire to Be Good
2. The Complexity of Truth
3. The Upside of Intent
4. The Need to Walk Through the Doors

I have six in the form of questions, based on my experiences, evoked by material in the book.  Here they are:

1. Intentional or unintentional?
2. Fact or opinion (or both) in dispute?
3. Nature and extent of damage in need of repair?
4. Can resolution be collaborative?
5. What would be a “win-win” resolution?
6. Then what?

These are among Peter Kim’s concluding observations: “As with the repair of trust in our government, groups, and institutions; with their leaders and in one another, the science of redemption is still at its beginning. But this is a good beginning, a solid foundation on which we can build. We have never been in more need of a serious conversation about how to repair trust. But we have also never been more capable of having it. And as our understanding continues to grow, who knows what we’ll eventually accomplish together?”

Let’s find out.

Here are two concluding suggestions while you are reading How Trust Works: Highlight key passages, and, record your comments, questions, action steps (preferably with deadlines), and page references as well as your responses to questions posed and to lessons you have learned. (Pay close attention to the key reminders in introductory head notes and end-of-chapter reminders.) These two simple tactics will facilitate, indeed expedite frequent reviews of key material later.