Happy Birthday, John Ratzenberger! 10 of His Funniest Cheers Quotes

Lay-Out Credit: Cliff Clavin
Belatedly, Happy birthday to Ratzenberger! The actor turned 74 on April 6, 2021. Ratzenberger has appeared in dozens of TV shows and films—notably, he has voiced a character in every single Pixar movie—but of course, he is best known for playing the know-it-all postman Cliff Clavin in Cheers. It’s been nearly 40 years (!) since Cheers first aired, but Cliff’s ramblings are still as hilariously nonsensical as ever.
Read on to look back at 10 of his funniest quotes from the show’s 11-season run.
1. “It’s a little-known fact that the tan became popular in what is known as the Bronze Age.”
2. “What you want is a word-of-mouth campaign. I’d be happy to help. You know, I’ll talk it up down at the old Post Office. Before you know it this place will be wall to wall with letter carriers. You think I’m entertaining…multiply me by 100.”
3. “You wanna see dark sides, you oughta see Ma when you leave the shower curtain outside the tub.”
4. “Curfew? Come on, Norm. I can stay out as long as I want so long as I call by 10.”
5. “How would the Civil War have changed if Abraham Lincoln had octopus tentacles instead of a beard?”
6. “They did a study between postal workers and chimpanzees. They proved chimps were 32 percent slower. Of course, they were better with public relations.”
7. “Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
8. “Interesting little article here. It says that, uh… the average human being only uses 17 percent of his brain. Boy, you realize what that means? We don’t use a full, uh… sixty-four percent.”
9. When feeling insulted: “If I wasn’t wearing this uniform, I’d ask you to step outside.”
10. Finally:
Cliff: Is this me or is the world getting a little weird?
Carla: You passed weird six months ago.

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