2. “What you want is a word-of-mouth campaign. I’d be happy to help. You know, I’ll talk it up down at the old Post Office. Before you know it this place will be wall to wall with letter carriers. You think I’m entertaining…multiply me by 100.”
3. “You wanna see dark sides, you oughta see Ma when you leave the shower curtain outside the tub.”
4. “Curfew? Come on, Norm. I can stay out as long as I want so long as I call by 10.”
5. “How would the Civil War have changed if Abraham Lincoln had octopus tentacles instead of a beard?”
6. “They did a study between postal workers and chimpanzees. They proved chimps were 32 percent slower. Of course, they were better with public relations.”
7. “Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
8. “Interesting little article here. It says that, uh… the average human being only uses 17 percent of his brain. Boy, you realize what that means? We don’t use a full, uh… sixty-four percent.”
9. “If I wasn’t wearing this uniform, I’d ask you to step outside.”
10. Cliff: Is this me or is this getting a little weird?
Carla: You passed weird six months ago.