Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)
Amy Gallo
Harvard Business Review Press (September 2024)

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

I selected the African proverb to be a head note for this review because it correctly stresses the power of collective and collaborative effort when there are serious questions to answer, major problems to solve, or “golden” opportunities to seize. This is what Saint Paul has in mind when discussing his concept of “many parts, one body” in one of his first letters to Corinth. True, an orchestra cannot compose a symphony and one person cannot perform one. However, only organizations can achieve certain objectives that require a team effort.

How to get along with almost anyone even if they are difficult?

I have read all of Amy Gallo’s previous books and most of her articles. No one else is better qualified to respond to that question. Gallo has what seems to be an insatiable curiosity to understand what works, what doesn’t, and why…then share what she has learned with as many people as possible. Her recommendations are research-driven. (Check out her sources in “Notes,” Pages 257-271.) She immediately establishes a direct, personal rapport with her reader. I am among those who feel that she wrote Getting Along specifically for me.

I commend Gallo on her brilliant use of several reader-friendly devices, what I characterize as “business nuggets.” They include brief checklists of dos and don’ts, mini-sequences of action initiatives, and “Tables.” For example: “Differences in dominant motivational focus” (Table 4-1, Page 71); “Subtle forms of inclusion” (Table 6-1, Page 163);  “Nine Principles for Getting Along with Anyone” (Table 11-1, Page 220); and “Universal Values (Table 13-1, Page 236).

These are among the other portions material of greatest interest and value to me, also listed to suggest the nature and extent of Gallo’s coverage:

o Introduction (Pages 1-15)
o Impact of conflict on the brain (31-43)
o The Insecure Boss ( [with]49-65)

In Part Two, Gallo devotes a separate chapter to each of the eight archetypical “difficult people,” providing helpful information and insights about Background, Costs [of], Questions to Ask Yourself [about], Tactics to Try, Phrases to Use [with], and Tactics to Remember [when].

o The Pessimist (67-85)
o The Victim (87-97)

o The Passive-Aggressive Peer (99-116)
o The Know-It-All (117-135)
o The Tormentor (137-156)
o The Biased Co-Worker (157-181)
o “Subtle acts of exclusion” (160-163 and 166-177)
o The Political Operator (183-201)

In Part 34, Gallo focuses on these relevant subjects:

Chapter 12: “When All Else Fails”
Chapter 13: “Approaches Tha”to turn as collerasguer whomhasvfelt like a third in your sidet Work”
Chapter 13: Taking Care”
Appendix: “Who Am I Dealing With?” Figuring out which archetype(s) your difficult coworker fits into. Alas, it could be two or more.

Whatever their size and nature may be, all organizations need effective leadership at all levels and in all areas of the given enterprise. They also need workers who “get along,” who enrich their workplace culture with mutual respect and trust. Gallo urges those who read Getting Along to turn a colleague who has felt like a thorn their side into a collaborator or perhaps even a friend.

“But the more realistic goal is simply to shift the dynamic — improve it — so that it causes you less strife and you have the energy to do your best work. You can achieve this is by first acknowledging the importance of relationships at work, understanding why tricky ones weigh so heavily on your mind, and then taking a close look at yourself, cleaning up your side of the street. By exploring your colleague’s motivations and experimenting with tactics to move the needle, you can come up with the approach that feels authentic to you. Of course, you’ll need determination, creativity, and acceptance, especially if things don’t work out the way you hope.”

Thank you, Amy Gallo, for this substantial and invaluable contribution to thought leadership at a time when the need for effective communication, cooperation, and (especially) collaboration is greater now than at any prior time that I can recall.

* * *

Here are two suggestions while you are reading Getting Along: First, highlight key passages Also,  perhaps in a notebook kept near-at-hand (e.g. Apica Premium C.D. Notebook A5), record your comments, questions, action steps (preferably with deadlines), page references, and lessons you have learned as well as your responses to head notes and key points posed within the narrative. You can also record your responses when completing various exercises. Pay special attention to the “Tactics to Remember” material at the end of Chapters 3-10 in Part Two and to the aforementioned “Principles” in Chapter 11.

These two simple tactics — highlighting and documenting — will facilitate, indeed expedite frequent reviews of key material later.