Here’s a brief article written by Daniel Goleman and featured by LinkedIn.

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Think back to a difficult situation you had to navigate at work. Were you able to distinguish the problem from the person? If not, you’re not alone. It’s a common confusion that can lead to dicey office politics, tense, counterproductive meetings, and so on. I spoke with negotiation expert and IMD professor George Kohlrieser for my Leadership: A Master Class series about ways to differentiate the person from the problem. Here’s what he had to say.

“It’s very common to confuse the problem with the person. It’s so easy to do because you have an emotional reaction. The amygdala hijack is where you suddenly start having an emotion that you focus on more than you focus on the goal. But the person is never the problem – the problem is. The person is going to help you solve it.

But people will say to me, I do know a few people who are problems. But in solving the conflict, you have to be able to take it problem by problem by problem. Let me be clear: I know a few people who are the problem. However, if I let that get into my mindset, and that’s what I focus on, then I become a hostage to my emotions. I have to be able to manage and know how to take problem by problem and allow choice. I might say, “If you continue this behavior, and choose not to come on time to meetings, or choose to be aggressive” or whatever it might be, “then you’re making a choice not to be a part of this team, and the consequence is that they will have to leave.”

This doesn’t mean you have to be a nice guy. You know, the affiliative style leadership is good; however, a leader also has to be able to define boundaries. They must learn the process of how to talk in a clear, direct way about how you’re going to solve the problem – without getting too mixed up emotionally with the person connected with the problem.”

Learn more about emotionally intelligent negotiation skills with my new Leadership: A Master Class from More Than Sound.

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Daniel Goleman is the author of the international bestsellers Emotional Intelligence, Working with Emotional Intelligence, and Social Intelligence, and the co-author of the acclaimed business bestseller Primal Leadership. He was a science reporter for the New York Times, was twice nominated for the Pulitzer Prize, and received the American Psychological Association’s Lifetime Achievement Award for his media writing. His latest book is The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insights. He lives in the Berkshires.