Clever Insults

Here are Bob Larkin‘s favorite insults.

o “He’s a sheep in sheep’s clothing.” Winston Churchill’s opinion of Neville Chamberlain, his predecessor as Prime Minister.

o “She ran the whole gamut of the emotions, from A to B.” Dorothy Parker on a performance by Katherine Hepburn

o “All morons hate it when you call them a moron.” J.D. Salinger

o “My dear, you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.” Winston Churchill after Lady Astor accused him of being “disgustingly drunk” at a dinner party.

o “Bill Clinton is a man who thinks international affairs means dating a girl from out of town.” Tom Clancy on the 42nd President of the United States.

o “There’s one area where Donald’s experience could be invaluable, and that’s closing Guantánamo. Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground.” Barack Obama, on his successor.

o “How could they tell?” Dorothy Parker after being told that President Calvin Coolidge had died.

o “If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.” Kurt Vonnegut Jr. addressing someone of questionable intelligence.

o “She speaks five languages and can’t act in any of them.” Sir John Gielgud on film star Ingrid Bergman’s talent.

o “One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain’t nothing can beat teamwork.” Mark Twain

o “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” Mae West on a man she didn’t like.

o “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met.” President Abraham Lincoln, on one of his political opponents

o “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” Billy Wilder, while listening to an actor audition for a musical

o “I like your opera. I think I will set it to music.” Beethoven, slapping another composer to the curb.

o “I don’t approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.” Jon Stewart

o “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.” Dolly Parton, referring to herself.

o “Nancy, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.” Winston Churchill, after being informed by Lady Astor that if she were married to him, she would have poisoned his tea.

o When accused by a heckler of being two-faced, Abraham Lincoln replied, “If I had two faces, do you think I would wear this one?”


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