They’re back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank Goodness for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences really did appear in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
The fee for the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of whatever is not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don’t let worry kill you off…let the Church help.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Be sure to bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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And this one just about sums them all up:
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new fundraising campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”