Here is a brief excerpt from an article by Tim Herrera for The New York Times. To read the complete article and check others, please click here.
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Be genuine. Be interested. And stop hogging the conversation.
Don’t enter a conversation with the intent of leaving everyone in stitches, unless you’re a professional comedian.l
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We all want to be charming, witty conversationalists who can work a room and give people the comfort that they’ve been truly listened to.
But how?
Jen Doll, friend of S.L. and one of my absolute favorite writers, wrote this guide that has everything you’ve ever wanted to know about being better at parties. In it is some of the wisest advice on being an engaged conversation partner you’ll find anywhere.
Being someone people enjoy talking with really boils down to being genuine and being genuinely interested. But that’s much easier said than done, so here are three concrete tips from Jen that will help you become a more engaged — and enjoyable — conversation partner.
[Here is the first of three specific suggestions.]
1. Know the three tiers of conversations
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Tier one is safe territory: sports, the weather, pop culture, local celebrities and any immediate shared experience.
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Tier two is potentially controversial: religion, politics, dating and love lives. “Test the waters, and back away if they’re not interested,” one expert told Jen.
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Tier three includes the most intimate topics: family, finance, health and work life. “Some people love to talk about what they do and their kids, but don’t ask a probing question until the door has been opened,” said Daniel Post Senning, an etiquette expert and the great-great-grandson of Emily Post.
Note also that while “So, what do you do?” is a pretty common and acceptable question in America, in Europe it’s as banal as watching paint dry. Instead, ask “What keeps you busy?”
Debra Fine, a speaker and the author of “The Fine Art of Small Talk,” has another basic rule: “Don’t ask a question that could put somebody in a bad spot: ‘Is your boyfriend here?’ ‘Did you get into that M.B.A. program?’” Instead try: “Catch me up on your life” or “What’s going on with work for you?”
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Here is a direct link to the complete article.