Paraprosdokians: Aliens in Literacy

Stephen King enjoys their company…hopefully you will also.

For example:

o  If I could just say a few words, I’d be a better public speaker.

o  I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

o Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

o Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

o If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

o War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

o I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night.

o On the other hand, you have different fingers.

o She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.

o A fly was very close to being called a land, because that’s what it does half the time.

o I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

o The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

o Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

o I can read minds, but I’m illiterate.

o I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.

o I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

o The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

o If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

o If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.

o You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

o Deep down, she’s shallow.

o Beneath his flabby exterior, there’s an enormous lack of character.

o If you’ve always done it that way, it’s probably wrong.

o If you walked past my home the other day, thank you.

And now my personal favorite:

o Attorneys have replaced white rats in research experiments because there are more of them, you don’t become fond of them, and there are some things that white rats simply won’t do.



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